We begin in media res ...
After waiting several days for a response from my co-blogger to my invitation to join me in cyberspace, I phoned him directly. While agreeing in principal to the blog, he noted that he agreed with basically 80% of what we wrote (I wrote?) in our email correspondence of the past few years. This got me thinking. What we are engaged in is a conversation, subject to revision or outright recantation. However, what is lost in careful sourcing and footnotes (on my part) is to be made up in the personal, in laying bare the intractable issues that engage us. So, on to the email.
Date: Fri, 6 Sep 2002 09:28:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: "EricO"
Subject: Re: baby has arrived
To: "Tombot"
Dear Tom,
I spent the morning reading the aphorisms of Mark Twain. Quite an interesting point of view, and manner of expression. Enjoyable like Nietzsche.
On that topic, I had a thought the other day that one reason I was attracted to John of the Cross and the Dark Night is that it parallels the nihilism of Nietzsche--minus an abiding faith in Christ. I haven't really reflected too deeply on it, it came to
me as a sudden realization. St. John, in faith, accepted asceticism, and let the world pass away from him. He mortified himself. Then it came back to him as a gift, as creation, free. But I am still in the dark night. And nothing much makes sense. "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." In a secular, or
Neitzschean point of view, the dark night is just seeing through all of the constructions of reality to the darkness behind. I am still struggling with Joshua, my College friend who didn't believe in reality. Could it be that part of the dark night is
to struggle with one's faith itself?
Nietzsche's concerns have abided most closely with mine over the years. Which is to say that I am troubled in faith, and that's no badge of honor, or even worth seeking sympathy over. It is just,
perhaps, my main, abiding concern in life.
On another topic, I recently went through some old boxes of mine, containing artifacts from early childhood through college. I experienced regret. Reading old letters carefully, I read what I could not accept when they were written. The kind words, the
true compliments to me. I regret that I could not be the friend to these people that I would want to be now. I didn't have my act together. One guy in particular took the time to write me an honest letter. He was at the college newspaper I wrote for one
semeseter. He wore black, drank gallons of coffee, and had a dark sense of humour. He was in the trenches of life where bad things regularly happened. He explained to me in his letter his anger at how other people have treated, or mistreated, his friends,
the women who confide in him, the hypocrisy in society. And he supported a lot of liberal policies meant to address that. My own position was from one of faith, of moral principles. But I was so elevated, so insulated, I was on the outside looking in. I was
orbiting this world from a Platonic sphere high above. (And I desperately wanted to find a doorway in to this world--the electric lady)
So I think in a way, after reading this letter, that I respect this guy simply because he was dealing with the world, interiorly, much more honestly than I. He was engaged in it. He let himself show his anger. He let the world see who he really was. And I didn't.
In defense of the conservative: The line between liberal and conservative is not truly between compassion and indifference, as a liberal would suggest, but between a plan of action based on turmoil
and emotion, though rightly felt, and a transcending of that anger by force of will to support what experience tells us leads to some form of justice, right, and respect, and lower incidence of the things that make us angry. That's where the boys are separated from the men.
Anyhow, I've been listening to talk radio a lot on my drive to work (1 hour plus each way). Rock music just feels tired to me right now. Michael Medved, the movie critic, is actually a conservative thinker, and orthodox jew. Then there's Mike Gallagher, boisterous, Catholic, I think, less subtle. Then, there's Michael Savage, who's show, the Savage Nation, is quite a joy. He's loud, sounds like he's from the Bronx, but lives in SF. He's talking about preparing to use Nuclear Weapons on the Islamic nations.
By the way, there is a growing voice among conservatives about the nature of Islam. Is it inherently violent toward infidels? Are we being PC in our analysis of it as a peaceful religion. Are the
terrorists speaking for Islam, or are they misrepresenting it? Why don't you hear more Muslims denouncing terror?
Looking for your thoughts on that.
Well, I've rambled on for too long now. I am hesitant to relay this letter to you. It sort of just poured out, and I mean to communicate as clearly as I can. To the degree I've failed, forgive.
E
Date: Fri, 6 Sep 2002 09:28:44 -0700 (PDT)
From: "EricO"
Subject: Re: baby has arrived
To: "Tombot"
Dear Tom,
I spent the morning reading the aphorisms of Mark Twain. Quite an interesting point of view, and manner of expression. Enjoyable like Nietzsche.
On that topic, I had a thought the other day that one reason I was attracted to John of the Cross and the Dark Night is that it parallels the nihilism of Nietzsche--minus an abiding faith in Christ. I haven't really reflected too deeply on it, it came to
me as a sudden realization. St. John, in faith, accepted asceticism, and let the world pass away from him. He mortified himself. Then it came back to him as a gift, as creation, free. But I am still in the dark night. And nothing much makes sense. "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." In a secular, or
Neitzschean point of view, the dark night is just seeing through all of the constructions of reality to the darkness behind. I am still struggling with Joshua, my College friend who didn't believe in reality. Could it be that part of the dark night is
to struggle with one's faith itself?
Nietzsche's concerns have abided most closely with mine over the years. Which is to say that I am troubled in faith, and that's no badge of honor, or even worth seeking sympathy over. It is just,
perhaps, my main, abiding concern in life.
On another topic, I recently went through some old boxes of mine, containing artifacts from early childhood through college. I experienced regret. Reading old letters carefully, I read what I could not accept when they were written. The kind words, the
true compliments to me. I regret that I could not be the friend to these people that I would want to be now. I didn't have my act together. One guy in particular took the time to write me an honest letter. He was at the college newspaper I wrote for one
semeseter. He wore black, drank gallons of coffee, and had a dark sense of humour. He was in the trenches of life where bad things regularly happened. He explained to me in his letter his anger at how other people have treated, or mistreated, his friends,
the women who confide in him, the hypocrisy in society. And he supported a lot of liberal policies meant to address that. My own position was from one of faith, of moral principles. But I was so elevated, so insulated, I was on the outside looking in. I was
orbiting this world from a Platonic sphere high above. (And I desperately wanted to find a doorway in to this world--the electric lady)
So I think in a way, after reading this letter, that I respect this guy simply because he was dealing with the world, interiorly, much more honestly than I. He was engaged in it. He let himself show his anger. He let the world see who he really was. And I didn't.
In defense of the conservative: The line between liberal and conservative is not truly between compassion and indifference, as a liberal would suggest, but between a plan of action based on turmoil
and emotion, though rightly felt, and a transcending of that anger by force of will to support what experience tells us leads to some form of justice, right, and respect, and lower incidence of the things that make us angry. That's where the boys are separated from the men.
Anyhow, I've been listening to talk radio a lot on my drive to work (1 hour plus each way). Rock music just feels tired to me right now. Michael Medved, the movie critic, is actually a conservative thinker, and orthodox jew. Then there's Mike Gallagher, boisterous, Catholic, I think, less subtle. Then, there's Michael Savage, who's show, the Savage Nation, is quite a joy. He's loud, sounds like he's from the Bronx, but lives in SF. He's talking about preparing to use Nuclear Weapons on the Islamic nations.
By the way, there is a growing voice among conservatives about the nature of Islam. Is it inherently violent toward infidels? Are we being PC in our analysis of it as a peaceful religion. Are the
terrorists speaking for Islam, or are they misrepresenting it? Why don't you hear more Muslims denouncing terror?
Looking for your thoughts on that.
Well, I've rambled on for too long now. I am hesitant to relay this letter to you. It sort of just poured out, and I mean to communicate as clearly as I can. To the degree I've failed, forgive.
E
posted by erico at 8:37 PM
3 Comments:
From: "tombot"
To: erico
Subject: Re: baby has arrived
Date: Fri, 06 Sep 2002 13:13:57 -0400
Erico
We must talk -- about the dark night and other matters. Can't you just hop on over to Cincinnati? I know I often sound tired and mopey over the phone. I'm trying to overcome all that. So - maybe I'll be able to call you one of these days when I get some "down time." Sometimes that's hard to come by. I have an envelope with stamp and address on it -- waiting to be put in the mail for you and C. --It's been sitting on my desk for weeks -- and I still have to make time to do that... Pathetic -- isn't it?
-T.S.
From: "tombot"
To: erico
Subject: Recent Spiritual Insights
Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 12:50:31 -0400
Eric -
I wanted to pass along this brief meditation on my recent illness - since it goes along with your "pleasure is pain" or "pleasure turned into pain" thesis. I think I may have mentioned that my summer ended with a 3-week bout of bronchitis - which I don't remember ever having had before. I'm not one who does well at being sick -but I did take away a strange set of insights about the nature of illness and/or health. What I noticed at one point was that in the midst of such an unpleasant array of symptoms (fever, headache, body ache, coughing, sore throat, lack of energy, etc.) -- nothing at all can be genuinely pleasurable. Life ceases to be "normal" and "bearable" in the way that it usually is. All of the pleasure sources that I usually rely upon to get me through the day (breakfast, coffee, coca-cola, ice cream, food in general, reading, walking, breathing, being 'at home' with family) were suddenly unavailable to me. I had a sense -- of all pleasure being a radical illusion. This sort of prolonged illness sort of reveals that feeling of "nothing can satisfy me really" -- which seems to be the equivalent of your "pleasure is pain" thesis. Well - now that I'm healthy again -- it's sort of weird coming back from the "other side" of life. I know that there are far worse diseases out there that people struggle with -- It's good to be healthy again, but there are many "crutches" -- i.e. pleasure outlets -- that go along with health. Or is health a matter of releasing oneself from that daily dose of coffee?
- T.S.
Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 10:24:40 -0700 (PDT)
From: "erico"
Subject: Re: Recent Spiritual Insights
To: "tombot"
Hello, Tom. First, I guess I'm sorry for two things.
First, that you have been in ill health. Second, that
I didn't really grasp that fact when you told me about
your bout with bronchitis. The one consolation I can
think of is that an illness may lead to a
contemplation of what it means to share in the passion
of christ, to unite one's sufferings with Christ.
There may be a doorway into living and then
understanding this difficult idea that one's suffering
may have a redemptive component, and may not be wholly
discarded as an unmitigated evil.
On the other hand, Nietzsche wrote in one of his
maxims, I believe, that the worst spiritual crisis may
be at root a bad case of indigestion.
Or, more to the point with myself, I have noticed that
since I have been eating 3 square meals a day I have
suffered much less from depression. Since I have been
married I have suffered much less from loneliness,
deep maudlin, oh what's the word, melancholy. All in
all, I am much more stable.
The question I ask myself occasionally is whether I
have sacrificed something worth holding on to. I
don't feel like a sell-out, really, living my suburban
lifestyle. There are real goods that come out of it.
I guess I feel less sensitive to the 'tragedies' that
gripped me before.
But everyone deserves a holiday, don't they?
As to the pleasure is pain thesis, where the spectrum
curves around and meets at the ends, I was primarily
speaking of intense pleasure turning to pain, and not
the other way around. It seems much harder to suggest
the other way around works, too. But the principle
would apply to the successful businessman, with wife
and kids, with plenty of toys, status, who one day
leaves his wife for a mistress, or who throws himself
off a building, because it doesn't make him happy.
So, I'll try to avoid that.
Anyhow, I hope you are feeling better. Give my
regards to F. and the children.
Eric
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